For today:

Silence. Rainy, cold day. Need some coffee. Sweaters are part of winter wear. Have socks on needles almost done. Feeling relief as I was able to change a class for Nat’s 9th grade public high school schedule. Feeling panic as this is the 4th week with no work. That could change with a phone call.

I want to work!. Investigating volunteer work. Needing to do some required reading before my class tonight. Thinking about how hard the last 24 days have been and how much I would like peace to return. Enjoying teaching a young lady to sew just for the fun of it. Thankful for the job my husband has today, for other jobs out there in case this one ends, for acceptance in the face of change. Thankful for my kids and home, for friends. Having a bit of creative slump, but have 2 quilts that need binding and a few more to machine quilt.

Its ALL ABOUT ME!!!

not really, but it’s amazing how self centered the human really is.

This AM I am listening to Sam yammer away about food. I have music on, candles lit, sunshine coming in the window. The AM at my house is my favorite time of day, especially in winter when sunlight is a premium. I need more coffee. Life is Good in pink is my shirt today, belying the last 16 challenging days. What a way to start the new year, with family in the hospital and marital discord!. There’s alot on my mind this AM, no work scheduled being one thing. Dunno if I should look for volunteer opportunities. The weather could not be nicer for Jan. Hopefully it will result in cheaper utility bills. I want, I want lots of things, mostly stuff that cannot be bought. I am living more in striving than I am in delight and contentment. Thinking about people I have the privilege to pray for, see, it’s not all about me!. I am into leather black purses. Purses are a secret obsession, but not the spendy kind. Nice ones can be had at Goodwill. I have many. Thankful for new beginnings with God, with my husband. Trying to extinguish the shame that dogs me when I reveal myself to others. Need to cook real meals and finish some quilts. And stop thinking about myself!!!

i am up

because the 22 year old girl I have been teaching to sew wants to come back and sew some more, as she starts nursing school. Coming back to sew is not the point, cause she will be busy. That I could make a difference has me stoked. Influence. Encouragement. Praying for her. Relationship. Awesome!

Has been a rough 13 days. But I will not use my blog to complain. Too much. Woke up with a song in my heart and head and sang it (quietly). By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me-a prayer to the God of my life. Psa 42:8.

In the interest of being real

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes I make it worse by behaving badly. Then I go to church and am challenged with what does obedience to God look like under these circumstances? I dunno, honestly. Hate leaving church with more questions.

So I make pound cake, clean my house like mad, stay busy and distracted..

I don’t have the answers. I pray and ask. Plan on asking those wiser than I. Feel anxiety looming….a son struggling with a bully, job insecurity, my job hours cut due to low census, marital tension, a father in law in the hospital with a stroke, my dad is leaving for a month to work in ND.

I feel like isolating but know it’s good to continue to help the girl I teach to sew, to reach out to a friend I see often, to be honest and real about my stuff at small group. I missed Sunday School yesterday, I really need the encouragement it provides. Tears come easily. Sometimes life is hard and overwhelming. Not always though.

I have a thankful journal I have started. That helps with perspective.

Do I have a word or a thought or a resolution for 2012?

No.  I don’t do those.  2011 was a fantastic spiritual year, one of healing, restoration and freedom and going deeper.  One of walking in calling, finishing what I started, walking into what I am meant to do.  My marriage stabilized.  My kids seemed to be OK in Jr High.  He stayed employed.  I faced some junk and felt some healing.  Relationship was restored.  I faced fear head on and felt freedom from it.  My brother died.

I don’t know what this year will hold.  More of the same would be nice.  Whatever it is,   I pray I can face it.  He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Things I love

Pinterest—addicting, time wasting, new ideas, hmm

A new journal for 2012

All leather purses

Cats snoozing on a quilt

A fresh calendar, turned to January

Last year’s scriptures on cards with cards for this year’s

Candles

A sunny AM room

Sparkly red nail polish

My job

A quilting contraption that makes the job easier.

Silence

Henry Nouwen

Playing card games with all three boys

I will be alone for New Year’s

because Stephen is gone to Tulsa for the second time this week. His dad had a stroke, another one. It’s tough on the family.

Christmas was uneventful and good. Work has been good, and profitable this paycheck. I bought some perfume I hate….so picky about fragrances, my mom will be happy with the pass on.

I wonder what the new year will bring.

1 computer crash

2 days at work
3 coughing spurts
4 days til Christmas
5 people clamor for dinner
6 books I attempt to read
7 total days i will work
8 presents needing wrapping
9 random thoughts last night
10 days to the new year…more or less

My quilting contraption arrived, but no play since I am in the middle of working days. Second rough of antibiotics for my cough. I just need to rest tonight.

makin a list and checking it twice

wanna find out who is unevenly gifted….
glad the shopping is done and the gifts are under the tree, under child surveillance.

Twas a busy week with cookie making and LOTS of running around. Ready for next week at the hospital. Will work alot and shove money toward student loans.

Love the morning sun coming in my room. The dog asleep on the other sofa. The washing machine going. A woodsy candle flickering. My tummy grumbling as I need coffee and breakfast. I hear my husband in the basement on a call for work.

Grateful for Thursday night small group at a church not my own, riding with a new friend. For new scarves, yarn close by, soap on a plate for me, a quilt made from scrap jeans for my dad for Christmas. For plans to go to church both Christmas eve and am.

LALALA

today, wrap gifts, check the list twice, put up a tree boys will decorate, plan cookies for weekend, prepare, prepare.